Jam Mechanics S1E09: Alpacas Can't Jump

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It's Episode NINE of Jam Mechanics. We learn about Matt's casual relationship with the 5-second rule and Bug forgets to come up with a prompt (don't worry, his wife bails him out!)

Jam Mechanics is a podcast hosted by Matt (The Narcissist Cookbook) and Bug (Bug Hunter) where we challenge each other to write a song demo from scratch every episode.

Our Music:
⁠⁠The Narcissist Cookbook

⁠⁠⁠⁠Bug Hunter⁠⁠

Feel free to reach out to us at:
Both: hello@jammechanics.com
Bug: bug@jammechanics.com
Matt: tnc@jammechanics.com
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-- SPOILERS FOR THIS EPISODE BELOW --
-----------------
BUG'S SONG
Matt's Challenge: TV Theme song
Title: Kick and Spin
Lyrics:
Do you ever feel like a lil guy?
like you have no control but somehow you’re still synchronized
cuz life keeps spinnin’, spinnin’
and you keep kickin’, kickin’
mostly due to the metal rod thats going through your torso thats attached to three other dudes

It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)

Try to pass to the goalie and you score on yourself
try to pass up the field, oh no you scored on yourself
then you finally score a goal but it ricochets off and you score on yourself

It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)

Oh hey, didn’t see you there
you’re probably wondering how I got here
strapped to these three other dudes
trapped in a perpetual game of soccer against
different colored but functionally identical opponents
Spinning clockwise into infinity forever… well…

A witch trapped my soul in here, I used to be a lawyer, tell my wife I love her

It’s foosball!
where nobody has a name
where it's just a silly game
where we kick and spin all day

It’s Foosball!
It don’t matter if you win
all we do is kick and spin
but mostly kick (but mostly spin)

Kick and Spin was taped in front of a studio audience of weird faceless mannequins
starring Kickolas Cage and John Kraspinski
----------
MATT'S SONG
(Lady)Bug's Challenge: The Alpaca Can't see over the fence (and also, the alpaca can't jump)
Title: The Alpaca Song
Lyrics:
the alpaca can't see over the fence
the alpaca can't see over the fence
the alpaca can't see but he can hear all of his friends
the alpaca can't see over the fence


he could go over it
ALPACAS CAN'T JUMP
go under it
ALPACAS CAN'T DIG
go through it
ALPACAS AREN'T GHOSTS
go round it
UNFORTUNATELY THE FENCE IS
SURROUNDING THE ALPACA ON ALL SIDES


he could open the gate
THE GATE IS LOCKED
he could unlock the gate
HE DOESN'T HAVE A KEY
he could pick the lock
PICK IT WITH WHAT
a stalk of hay
THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION,
ALPACAS CAN'T PICK LOCKS THEY DON'T HAVE THUMBS


he could eat the fence
WAIT THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA
try to eat the fence
HE'S EATING THE FENCE!
oh wow it's working!
OH NO IT'S NOT
why what happened
NOTHING IN PARTICULAR IT'S JUST THAT THERE IS A LOT OF FENCE


he could burn the fence
I said he could burn the fence
YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME
WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S LOCKED IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE


chorus


he could fake his death
OKAY
scream for help
OKAY
and when his friends come
MHM
they'll see him lying on the floor
ALRIGHT


he'll be covered in blood
WHERE'D HE GET THE BLOOD
the blood is from the farmer
OH MY GOD
and then when the gate is open
BURN THE FARM DOWN


it's working, it's working
they're coming to help him
the blood is convincing
they're opening the gate


they're sensed his trickery
but it's too late
the alpaca is free
the alpaca is freee


he tries to start a fire
but the farmer's not dead!
they're fighting, they're fighting!
he calls to his friends
the ones he betrayed
they won't save him
he only has once chance


he strikes a match
he tosses it
into the hay
the alpaca has gotten his revenge